Thursday, August 15, 2013

Youtube Hate

Today's blog post was supposed to be a review of the Olay Fresh Effects cleanser that I mentioned in my newest haul video, but I came across a more pressing issue that I need to address. But do not fret! The review shall be live tomorrow (ish). Now, cue the serious music. *Slaps on poker face.*

As a YouTuber, I put myself out there for potentially thousands (if I get lucky) of people to see. And all kinds of people at that; old, young, male, female, poor, rich, nice, mean, the list truly goes on and on. I upload a 6 minute clip twice a week for the WORLD WIDE WEB to view. Out of the And that's, to put it simply, a character. You don't see my everyday life. Ever. In my normal day to day routine, if not for YouTube, I would not sit on my bedroom floor with a camera in my face and talk about makeup. Nothing that I film is 'normal'. {I hope you guys are following what I'm saying.}

To sum it up, 15 minutes a week is not who I am. I am not those 15 minutes. They are me. But that's not all I am. And off of that, my entire being should not be judged. What you see in that frame is not what people in 'real life' see. I am a wild individual but it's different. I can be crazy in my videos but there's a point where the line needs to be drawn. When I'm out with friends or sitting at my dinner table with my family, there is not a camera following me. Besides the occasional selfie, but I mean. no judgment. I'm a different person You guys see what I want you to see. I just hope that newbie YouTube viewers will learn that youtubers are more than their videos and that's something people should learn to respect.

I don't think a word I just typed has anything to do with the topic I wanted to talk about. It probably didn't even make sense. I'm just trying to make sense of the hate I've been receiving on my videos. Obviously, there are not "anti-misscarolynxo" accounts on Twitter, or 12 year old girls erupting on instagram because I cussed. Because there isn't.

But I'm a teenage girl with the occasional serious "I'm ugly and worthless" issues. When I get in my "funks", as I like to call them, there is no stopping my self esteem from plummeting. And trust me, these funks happen way more often than I'd care to admit.

Luckily for me, I'm a strong person, despite my funkiness. Disrespectful and discouraging words are no match for the control and happiness I maintain. Sure, I get upset. But that's on my own terms. No person over the internet can drive me to feel low about myself. Because I know, in my head, that the only reason such person is leaving a rude comment on my video, is because their self esteem is low. It's a sad fact but one that I've tried to instill in my brain. Why does a girl feel the need to tell another that she can't have "Self confidence with that horse smile and pimple face"? She shouldn't! I get that there's obviously something wrong in this hater's life. I choose to believe that people are not born with this horrendous attitude but something in his or her life has driven them to that.

After reading comments like this, I don't feel sorry for myself. I don't feel the need to spend another $5,000 to fix my 'horse teeth'... again? Or never show that I am a normal TEENAGER with acne. Why do I need to have it covered all the time? I don't. I can't feel sorry for me and try to change to mold the perfect YouTuber. I, instead, pray that these commenters are not spreading hate on people's videos that are not as strong as I am. There are vulnerable and suicidal people that make YouTube videos. While maybe they shouldn't for mental health's sake, everyone has their reasons. No person should be able to write some horrible words and take a life. I would rather get 10 comments of rude, negative, God awful things than let someone else have that hate. It's not fair for other people to be subject to this torment when they can't emotionally handle it.

Why can't we take haters off the internet? Well, as my mother reminds me daily, "It takes all kinds to make the world go round." We need the negativity to balance out all of the wonderful, kind people online. Thankfully, and hopefully for all my fellow video makers, I am lucky enough to receive more love than loathing. Thank you for that.

Don't be that person. Use the internet as a tool, not a weapon.

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