Thursday, October 3, 2013

I Don't Know Anymore

It pains me to watch videos of people on YouTube that I feel I have grown up with, per say, going off and doing their own things and living the life they've always wanted while I'm stuck at home, depending on my mother for a ride to the simplest of places, working only a few hours a week and not being able to support myself at all. I feel like I've grown up SO much in the last year but my financial situation hasn't allowed me to act on these new found responsibilities I feel I am exposed to now. I'm 16 with a part-time job and a hobby that requires investment and it's frustrating to know that the two things I love, marching band and YouTube, cost so much money that I don't have the time to earn! I need a car and insurance but can't get it until February and I need a new camera and a new laptop and money to go to New York and then college starts and then what am I to do? I'll acquire all the things I need, just so I can turn 18 and have a whole new set of responsibilities. Growing up in the 21st century has got to be one of the hardest things... what happened to riding horses around and growing your own food and occupying yourself with things other than the Internet? We are expected to grow up so fast and then we hit our mid-20s and we get stuck. I don't know what I want to do with my entire life. Fifty years I have to think about, right now. I haven't even experienced anything out of my drug infested high school and restricting small town. I haven't been given the opportunity but I'm expected to just make it happen. Why do numbers determine our social status? My 18th birthday does not mean I'm an adult and ready to be out on my own. Growing up these days is so much more than when the laws were made at the time of our countries birth... Times are changing. People are making these changes but they're not ready to change. What's a girl to do?

1 comment:

  1. Hi Carolyn,

    I've followed your youtube for a little while now and as someone creating content myself I do know what you mean; it's easy to get defeated - but it's sad that you feel this way. Here are some words of (hopefully) encouragement to help you turn that frown upside down! ;)

    - Just concentrate on what you're doing; stop focusing on others that seem to have more. There is and will only ever be one of you, and that's pretty incredible. I know it feels hard now but you're only 16, you have so much time and potential to grown and learn and experience anything you want.
    - Some people make a living from videos, sure, but it certainly isn't everything. There are some people who seem to be living the high-life; travelling abroad every week, getting to attend celeb premieres and getting a ton of free stuff - but remember we are all fighting a difficult battle. People go through hardships just as much as everyone else, and anyone could look like they have the perfect life if they just showed a highlight reel to others. Look at Charles Trippy, a guy who seemed to have it all through his content - I know it's morbid, but it really teaches you to appreciate what you have.
    - You've built a solid subscriber base on youtube now and you should be so proud of that. It just goes to show that you don't need a professional camera or studio lighting, all the high end makeup and clothes or trips to LA to vlog every other week. In fact, that sort of thing has become horribly generic now, be proud to be different! It actually makes you far more relatable.

    Cheer up buttercup, I know it feels like you have a million reasons to feel downbeat, but you have a million more reasons to smile.

    xxx

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